Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
