Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
