Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
