people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Never joke about your clitoris.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
