you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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