I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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