he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just forgot I was standing up.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
