M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
