Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
