TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
