He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
