He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
