This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
