you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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