sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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