just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
my poor anus
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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