i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
