I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
