we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
