I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
