I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Let's paint friendship bongs
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
