Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
