literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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