I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
