So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
