he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
