shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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