No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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