the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
