I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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