He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize