we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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