Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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