I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
