i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
