I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
