Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i believe in u and ur pee
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