I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She's the barista slut.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You ate ashes out of my bong
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
