I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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