im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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