i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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