Best friends brother. Beat that.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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