do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
