Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
