Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize