he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
