I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
