so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I am mentally ready for anal.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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