It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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