So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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