at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
