Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
