dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
