BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
