On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
