I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
ttyl tear gas
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
