Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
