If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
