Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
50% drunk capacity currently
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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