where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
