dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
