I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you had me at cake vodka
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
