Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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