btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
