We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
