am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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