I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
