so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
