Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
