I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
