my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
