Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
