I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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