Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
