Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
