I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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