drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
