The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
