So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
