WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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