Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
lol hangovers are for mortals.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
