Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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