I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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