Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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