oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize