Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Randomize
