I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
