He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
