i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
