no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
