i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
