it hurts more in the daytime
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
