Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
