I am puke
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
