are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
