I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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