I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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